Ahoy, matey! Batten down the hatches because you’re about to sail into 112 of the funniest pirate jokes and puns ever told! Whether you crave pirate jokes for adults, love a good pirate dad joke, or seek the best pirate jokes for any occasion, this treasure trove is packed with laughs. From clean pirate jokes and puns to clever pirate wordplay, there’s a joke for every landlubber and swashbuckler alike!
Why do pirates tell so many jokes? Because they ARRR too funny to keep to themselves! This 112-joke collection will have you roaring with laughter like Captain Blackbeard after a barrel of rum. Whether you’re cracking up at a party or just want a good pirate joke to share, you’ve found the ultimate stash. So hoist the Jolly Roger, grab yer grog, and dive into 112 of the best pirate jokes and puns ever!
One-liner Pirate Jokes and Puns
- Why did the pirate sit on a clock? He wanted to be on time, matey!
- A pirate’s favorite type of music? Arrr & B!
- Why did the pirate go to school? To improve his hook-handwriting!
- Pirates don’t do online shopping. They prefer to plunder!
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? A cease and desist!
- Why did the pirate bring a ladder? To reach the crow’s nest!
- A pirate’s diet? Lots of rum and sea food!
- What do you call a pirate who skips school? Captain Hooky!
- Why do pirates never retire? They love the high seas!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a joke? The punchARRRline!
- Why did the pirate refuse to play cards? He was afraid of getting marooned!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise? The plank!
Pirate Puns
- Why did the pirate go to school? To improve his ARRR-ticulation!
- A pirate’s favorite type of socks? ARRR-gyle!
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite vegetable? Leeks in the ship!
- Pirates don’t do online shopping they prefer to sail the high C’s!
- Why do pirates make great singers? They know how to hit the high seas!
- A pirate’s favorite subject? Skullpture!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite movie rating? ARRR!
- Why did the pirate sit on the deck? He wanted to be on board!
- What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A rookie!
- How do pirates prefer their steak? On a treasure plate!
- Why did the pirate bring a ladder? To reach the crow’s nest!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite music genre? ARRR & B!
Short Jokes on Pirates
Why do pirates always carry a map? Because they don’t want to get lost at sea!
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’s “R,” but it’s really the C!
Why did the pirate sit on a paper towel? Because he wanted to be on a bounty!
How do pirates like their jokes? Short and snappy, just like their tempers!
What do pirates eat for breakfast? Captain Crunch!
Why did the pirate go to school? To improve his arrr-ticulation!
What do pirates do when they get sick? Take some sea-sickness medicine!
Why was the pirate bad at golf? He always ended up in the sand traps!
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of movie? Anything rated ARRR!
Why did the pirate get kicked out of the movie theater? He kept talking like a parrot!
What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A rookie!
Why don’t pirates ever get lost? Because X always marks the spot!
Funny Pirate Joke Stories
The Captain’s Talking Parrot
Captain Redbeard had a parrot that repeated everything he said. One day, the captain yelled, “Batten down the hatches!” The parrot squawked, “Batten down the hatches!” Annoyed, the captain shouted, “Silence, bird!” The parrot replied, “Silence, bird!” The first mate laughed and said, “Looks like ye got yourself a pirate parrot AND a pirate echo!”
The Confused Pirate Crew
A new pirate joined the crew and asked, “Where’s the pirate jokes and puns clean book?” The first mate laughed. “We don’t read jokes, we live ‘em!” That night, the crew tried to hoist the anchor but forgot to untie it. The captain sighed, “Best crew at sea, worst at common sense!”
The Missing Eyepatch
A pirate lost his eye patch and started looking everywhere for it. “Where’d you last see it?” asked his mate. “On me eye!” he grumbled. His mate chuckled, “Well, Captain, I hate to say it, but I think it’s still there!” The pirate groaned. “These pirate dad jokes are gonna be the death of me!”
The Captain’s Sneaky Map
Captain Silver wanted to hide his treasure, so he made a fake pirate treasure map. He gave it to his crew and laughed as they searched all day. Finally, one pirate said, “Cap’n, I think this map just leads back to the ship!” Silver grinned, “Aye, that’s the joke!”
The Parrot’s Secret
A pirate’s parrot overheard a secret about buried treasure. The captain asked, “Where is me gold?” The parrot squawked, “Not tellin’!” Frustrated, the captain muttered, “Best pirate jokes and puns be told by birds now?” The parrot replied, “Aye, and I’ll sell the joke for a bag of crackers!”
The Pirate’s Haircut
A pirate walked into a barbershop and asked, “Can ye cut me hair with a hook?” The barber hesitated. “A hook’s not great for trimming.” The pirate laughed, “Aye, but it’s all I got!” The barber sighed, “Guess I’m in the business of pirate jokes and puns for adults now!”
The Trick Rum Bottle
The first mate filled a bottle with seawater and told the captain it was rum. The captain took a sip and spat it out. “This ain’t rum!” The first mate grinned, “Aye, but now ye know what it feels like when we run out!”
The Forgetful Buccaneer
A pirate kept forgetting where he hid his gold. “Ye need a pirate joke to remember?” asked his mate. “Nay,” said the pirate. “I need a second brain!” His mate laughed, “Or at least a smarter parrot!”
The Pirate’s Pet Shark
A pirate claimed he had a pet shark. “Watch this!” he said, throwing a fish into the water. The shark ignored it. “He’s just shy,” said the pirate. The first mate chuckled, “Or maybe that’s just another pirate dad joke!”
The Ghost Ship Prank
The crew once covered the ship in fog to prank a rival. “It’s a ghost ship!” the rival pirates screamed, jumping overboard. The first mate laughed, “That was the easiest plunder we’ve ever done!”
The Singing Pirate
A pirate tried to join a band. “Can ye sing?” they asked. He belted out a sea shanty so loud the windows shook. The band leader sighed, “Well, mate, ye might not be a singer, but ye sure can scare the sea monsters away!”
The Captain’s Bad Compass
The captain swore his compass always pointed north. “Then why are we going in circles?” asked the first mate. The captain frowned. “Guess that explains why we always find our old treasure!”
Pirate Jokes and Puns for Adults
Why don’t pirates trust the ocean? Because they know it’s always up to something fishy!
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of humor? Best pirate jokes and puns filled with wordplay and a splash of grog!
Why do pirates love dad jokes? Because they always “sea” the humor in them!
What do you call a pirate with great timing? A “pun-ctual” buccaneer!
Why do pirates always carry a map? So they never get lost at “sea” smart, right?
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What’s a pirate’s least favorite exercise? Plank walking it’s bad for morale!
Why did the pirate go broke? He spent all his booty on pirate jokes and puns clean!
What’s a pirate’s favorite romantic line? “You must be treasure, because X marks the spot!”
Why don’t pirates play cards? They’re always afraid of getting a “deck” stacked against them!
Why did the pirate bring a ladder? Because he wanted to reach the high seas!
What’s a pirate’s worst nightmare? Running out of best pirate jokes and rum!
Why do pirates make great comedians? Because their humor is always deep, like the ocean!
Dad Pirate Jokes and Puns
Why did the pirate become a dad?
Because he wanted to teach his crew some proper pirate joke skills!
What’s a pirate dad’s favorite bedtime story?
Anything about treasure chests and booty but only the clean pirate jokes and puns for the kids!
Why did the pirate dad bring a ladder to the bar?
Because he heard the rum was on the house!
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
You think it’s “R,” but it’s actually the C!
Why don’t pirates ever play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding with a peg leg and an eye patch!
What do pirate dads say when they tuck their kids in?
“Sleep tight, and don’t let the Kraken bite!”
Why did the pirate dad start a bakery?
Because he wanted to make the best pirate jokes about “pie-rates”!
How does a pirate dad tell time?
He checks his hook hand it’s always pointing in the right direction!
Why did the pirate dad take his kids to the beach?
So they could search for X marks the spot and dig up fun!
What do pirate dads and parrots have in common?
They both repeat themselves especially when telling pirate jokes and puns for adults!
Why did the pirate dad always win at cards?
Because he knew how to deal with a full deck of plunder!
What’s a pirate dad’s favorite way to travel?
By pirate ship, of course it’s the only way to sail the high seas in style!
Pirate Jokes and Puns Clean
Why did the pirate sit on a paper towel? He wanted to be a Bounty hunter because he loved treasure too much!
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Arrr & B, but only if it has a good beat and some sea shanties!
Why did the pirate go to school? He wanted to improve his sail-ing skills so he could navigate better!
What do you call a pirate who loves nature? A sea-conservationist because he always protects the ocean!
Why don’t pirates ever play cards? They’re afraid of the deck being stacked and getting cheated!
What’s a pirate’s favorite place to eat? Arrr-by’s, because they serve the best fish sandwiches on the high seas!
Why did the pirate bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the rum was on the house and didn’t want to miss out!
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of movie? Anything rated Arrr, but only if it has plenty of action and adventure!
Why did the pirate go to therapy? He had too many deep-sea issues and needed to talk them out!
What kind of exercise do pirates do? Plank workouts, because they love balancing on wooden boards!
Why was the pirate bad at baseball? He always struck treasure instead of hitting home runs!
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? “Aye matey!” because he finally felt like an old sea dog!
Pirate Jokes and Puns for Halloween
Why don’t pirates like Halloween parties? They’re afraid of getting boo-ty trapped!
What’s a pirate’s favorite Halloween candy? Rum and raisin chocolate, but only if it’s buried treasure!
Why did the pirate wear an eyepatch to the Halloween party? Because he wanted to look extra spooky!
How do pirates celebrate Halloween? They throw a huge ghost ship party with plenty of plunder!
Why do skeleton pirates make the best trick-or-treaters? They always have a bone-chilling good time!
What did the pirate ghost say to the trick-or-treaters? “Boo-ccaneers!”
Why did the pirate dress as a pumpkin for Halloween? Because he wanted to be a Jack o’ Lantern Jack Sparrow!
What’s a pirate’s least favorite Halloween monster? The Kraken, because it always tries to steal their treasure!
Why did the pirate’s parrot refuse to go trick-or-treating? It was too chicken of the sea!
What do you call a pirate who haunts ships on Halloween? A Marooned spirit!
Why don’t pirates ever get scared on Halloween? Because they’ve already seen the worst Davy Jones’ locker!
How do pirates carve pumpkins? With a hook hand, but they always make a mess!
Pirate Jokes and Puns Eye Patch
Why did the pirate wear an eye patch? Because he couldn’t sea without it!
What did the pirate say when he lost his eye patch? “Now I’ve got a real eye-sore!”
Why do pirates wear eye patches? To keep one eye on their booty at all times!
How did the pirate feel after getting a new eye patch? He was overjoyed he finally had a fresh outlook!
Why don’t pirates ever switch their eye patch to the other eye? Because that would be a patchy decision!
What’s a pirate’s least favorite thing to hear? “I spy with my little eye…”
Why did the pirate refuse to remove his eye patch? He didn’t want to lose his visionary style!
What happened when the pirate’s parrot stole his eye patch? He had to wing it until he found another!
Why do pirates love their eye patches? Because they add to their mystery and charm!
How did the pirate feel when he got a golden eye patch? He thought it was a real treasure sight!
Why did the pirate put glitter on his eye patch? He wanted to look like a starboard celebrity!
What do you call a pirate who loses his eye patch? A half-blind buccaneer on the lookout!
FAQ’s
What did pirates call the crew?
Pirates called their crew mateys or buccaneers. A pirate’s crew was like a family on the high seas, always ready for adventure and, of course, a good laugh with Pirate Jokes and Puns!
What is the pirate lingo for the bathroom?
Pirates called the bathroom the head. On a pirate ship, the head was at the front of the vessel, and you can bet there are plenty of Pirate Jokes and Puns about it!
What is the pirate word for exciting?
Pirates used words like hearty or thrilling. A wild adventure on the high seas was always thrilling, just like sharing some classic Pirate Jokes and Puns with your crew!
What are pirate terms for friend?
Pirates called their friends matey or shipmate. A true matey always had your back during a raid, especially when swapping Pirate Jokes and Puns over a barrel of rum!
What is a pirate’s eye patch called?
A pirate’s eye patch was simply called a patch. Many pirates wore a patch to keep one eye adjusted to the dark, which probably made reading Pirate Jokes and Puns even trickier at night!
Conclusion
After reading these 112 funniest pirate jokes and puns you’ll ever read, you’re now a true pirate humor expert! Whether you love pirate jokes and puns for adults, best pirate jokes, or silly pirate dad jokes, there’s something here for everyone. These pirate jokes and puns clean enough for all ages will make any pirate laugh. A good pirate joke is the perfect way to bring smiles to your crew!
Laughter is the best treasure, and these 112 funniest pirate jokes and puns you’ll ever read prove it. From clever wordplay to classic pirate jokes and puns clean, this list is packed with humor. So next time you need a good laugh, just remember a pirate joke from this list. Keep the pirate spirit alive, share these jokes, and always be ready for a hearty chuckle on the high seas!
Grayson is the dedicated admin of PunsFellow, a blog website all about puns and witty wordplay guides. With a passion for humor and a keen eye for clever wordcraft, Grayson ensures the site runs smoothly while keeping the content pun-tastically engaging. Whether managing the platform or curating the best puns, Grayson is always ready to make language more fun one pun at a time!